ire or indifference?


is it ire or indifference.  we cannot speak in this manner to find out, dragging far too often this palaver of emptiness.  harried, spear-tip tongues will lash with effort.  i may fail again but a smile finds my face.  a caustic dark, concurrent with a river of shit bleeding profundity.  my bones have melted into forms unfamiliar and God has turned my ankles, so i limp as a foe opened upon foreign shores.  stoned in bat country, my vampyre is a sulking bitch, chewing the fat on my shoulder. makes everything blurry.  understanding is a slow death, change is gonna come?  man Fuck that, change is a buzz-saw, sometime bedeviled by hoping hopeless hopes.  circuit runs hot and this turning is taking all my strength to just pull the wheel toward right. indifferent to felling feelings that rise, surprise and terrorize this waking dream i’m trapped, inside, illusory. i want to inoculate myself from your presence, the present you present when i’m folded in half, dusky clean and unresolved.  like drinking glass powdered to make it easier to swallow.  dying from a million minute lacerations, disavowed and disappointed in what became of us.  can you be numb when everything tingles like an aftershock? perhaps, knots.  nautical, temporal.  drain the pool and watch it all swirl away, faring no better than the before. or the aftermath of sinful disposition. depositions await my fateful awakening, so i arm for the coming conflict. knowing i’ll be on my knees facing the executioner’s axe in the end, a sad ending. my armor will be displayed in some carnival museum, a freak-show casket. i’ll refer your fears of being afraid to be scared to another and pray for some sense of meaning, meaning i’m kinda lost in your television.  insisting someone change the channel, i channel all my energies into nonchalance and play, fool. fooled by this maelstrom maw of decomposition.  stupid and tarred, tired, tires flattened, i’m still driving.  let’s find some purpose on purpose, weary of your pretense, as well as my perdition.  will you come save me? idk, that’s up to you.  i have lost my right to ask.

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